rain seeping into my brain

looking out the window
i'm trying to find the rain
train my eyes to steady themselves and just be
slipping into that quiet mode
that allows you to see more clearly than before
you know what i mean?
it's like a new state of consciousness
that relies on dreams you tell others you have
the same ones you wonder about at night
asking yourself if you really have those dreams
or would simply like to convince others that you do
that you want something more from this life
something that you haven't been able to grasp
and something that can't be handed down from generations
and generations that have passed

sometimes i think about the world
in dark corners of paintings that stare back at me
asking me to think and examine things i can only see
when the quiet stillness of sleep looms just in front of me

i want more than i've ever been able to express
and feel no more like hiding from you
and from all the rest
of those people who wear their shoes with socks
because they don't want life to rub too hard against
the precious skin of their feet

it's refreshing in a pure and new way
not that i really ever wear socks without shoes and shoes without socks
i like the lack of escape
and the fixed in point of my destination that seems to come with
shoes and socks
shoes and socks
meeting and greeting other shoes and socks walking down the street
in neat little piles that spill forth and walk to and fro
aiming for something they have no control over
and yet constantly striving for some point of knowledge that comes
at the end the bitter end the end that we believe is bitter
because we'd want it more if we thought it was sweet
now wouldn't we?
wouldn't we?

stop bothering me
stop tormenting me when you don't have to and yet want to
for no other reason than to watch me squirm and yearn
simultaneously for something we both know i haven't found a place for
remember remember remember
asking me where a bird and fish would live?
i had an answer for you
you didn't care
i wanted you to