hands

his hands
slid
down
exposed eyes
and
weakened lips
slowly
melding to
soft layers
of lies
hidden behind
thighs
and the crease
in
your smile

your hands
folded
and
molded
to faint
illusions
of secret
lives
and past
disguises
all too well

his hands
caressed
unspoken
desires
formed in the corner
of your lips
and
mixed with
finger tip
memories
that claim
and reclaim
night time
mood swings
and
caffeine induced
dreams

your hands
lingered
in the past
before
coming undone
carefully
easing their way
to present
matters
and future
tenses

his hands
roamed
your hands
stood still

lung cancer

you sucked me in and spit me out
pushed and pulled
and let it all hang out
cradled hopes momentarily
before you let them fall
and all for what

you cigarette butted me
right out of your life
left me cold and feeling
ten years older than before

i was a slave to some
twisted version of your love
even though you couldn't be
bothered to care for more
than three seconds flat

you had me tied
twisted caught up and bent
on making you see me
some hopeless loveless
emotion filled cause
that i'm struggling to define
to some distant friend of mine
who for the life of her can't see
why the hell i loved you
and you
you couldn't bring yourself to
look at me

come on
cause a commotion in my brain
have no fear dear
the karma police are on
their coffee break
so stop making me wait
lets walk along the boardwalk
and talk until the death of time
hold hands till we no longer know
which one belongs to who
me you
who cares we're together
walking talking being
enjoying each others company
and breathing in the smell of
something new
the us that is me plus you

laid out

let me lay it down for you
little higher than the low
i usually go
and tell you a little something
you may or may not already know
i feel the need to be the rock
that steadies your tidal waves
i feel the need to be the calm
to your ocean full of waves
i'm here to catch you
no matter how far you fall
i'll be holding onto your hand
open palm and all
but don't ask me to be the ocean
and never speak to me about the sea
i'm supposed to be the strong one
for you and for me
so
just
let
me
be

hunger pains

it got easy
faster than we thought it would
and that's what made it all so hard
the ease with which we flowed

easier to break away from
long pauses and roles played
to the breaking point
than to stick around for
something real
and more than slightly
unexpected

(k)new little bits and pieces
floated along the surface
with closed off smiles to match

little became more
than either one of us bargained for
and closed off smiles were no more
full out laughs and grins and groans
sighs that matched in time and mind
found new homes

carried more of you with me along the way
smiled more openly at the thought you
got to that point
or thought i did or could or would
(maybe even should)
and once again its all gone
one big disappearing act

you had me going
i think i had you too
but we pulled away
before we couldn't push apart
a separation much too soon

would write you a note
and tuck it under your bed
but maybe we were only meant
to have a piece of some
imagined whole

trying to say goodbye

crumbled up pieces of my deceit
are blown up and around your feet
while i wait on the other side
of the denial ridden street
for an answer i've been holding onto

somewhere in the middle of the sea
of lost souls hopes and dreams
call out to their rightful owner
begging to be remembered and
waiting for their second chance

spoke to you in a tableau
of dazed and confused dried up paint

while you riddled me with replies
and felt your way through rain soaked eyes

walked my way around a maze of chairs
and wondered what it would be like to sit
took too much time to make you mine
and regret but won't admit
for your sake
or was it for mine?

union

let's confess our sins
as we roll around in the summer dew
and make a movie version of our lives
that revolves solely around
me and you
you and i
us two

serenade me with your thoughtful voice
and spin my dreams in a thread like yarn
while i play with your hair
and uncover memories you let slip away
from you
and i
me and you
us two

lets hold hands to steady each others
shivers and shakes
mend broken hearts that heal slowly over time
press stop forward and rewind
to learn the most we can about
me and you
you and i
us two

share freckled spots of our summered skin
and whisper words that over turn stones
we once aligned with secrets and sins
so we can explore each other more fully
than before
for
you and i
me and you
us two
are finally
finally
together
too

double dutch

you dangled a worded bait
in the corner of my eye
and though i saw your
miscommunicated effort
i wasn't about to be
reeled in
hook line and sink her

fell before
for the flashy smile
you turned on
in a hesitantly illuminated
pasture that was meant
for grazing thoughts

hang out now
under the veil of
peekaboo stars
that hide for some
and mourn for others

killed the beast while
you were out to lunch
and lost a piece of some
throw away puzzle
during the exchange

in the end i found
a way to kiss the pain
away
and make everything
better
without a trace of your
laughter

worded desire

fell in love with you word by word
and letter by letter
breathed in your drawn out pauses
and exhaled your laughter
through smiling cheeks and ripened lips

couldn't quite recite the tones captured by your voice
but whispered wordless words from you nonetheless

followed you through a shakespearean maze
filled with letters and words that i read for days
and days

stretched out time to incorporate your ways
and wondered how you spent the rest of your days
when you weren't writing and reading and drawing me
paintings to fill my mind and feed my growing hunger

haunted

you couldn't even acknowledge him could you
couldn't even bring yourself to admit
that i was with him and he with me
that we were together
a couple
that race intermingled and blended together
to create something that was no longer
white or black

i haven't looked the same
when staring into the mirror
after that night
but you've continued on and buried the past
miles from our house and light years from our home

i hurt more than you will ever let yourself understand
pushed him aside for you and find myself left with what
your tarnished acceptance and my endless need to gain
your approval
your love
that you said i had from day one
and yet could not feel over the pain that day
some days still

covered myself up now with layers of skin
layers of sin
to hide away from those who could somehow
bring themselves to want some twisted and torn
piece of me to love

not yet ready and not sure if i'll ever be
more comfortable pushing you all away from me

tell me your secrets and i'll bottle them away
but ask for mine and i'll lack in some kind of reply

the past seems too eager to befriend me