timeless

memories scattered about in postcard form
mingle with coffee stained kisses
that lingered on brains still taking shape
from cookie cutter hearts that are slightly
disformed
hands that can't type truth
struggle with vague outlines of dreams
and shattered realities that are still
hoping to etch out some existence
before retreating to be born again
anew

confessions linger on the tips of tongues
meant to fiddle and fool with lives
still uncovering and recovering
from footsteps and handprints and blueprints
dipped in hope and set in slow motion
once
seemed like not so long ago
when said between friends whose eyes
tell a million stories
with few endings and only one past
path

* thanks to jack for editing

20 questions - give or take a few

what happened to night time exchanges
and heavy hearts with mismatched hands

why did wrong feel right for only so long
before it became so right it felt wrong

tried to follow you into a new darkness
but misplaced the key
you only gave me half - i wanted it whole

was it something more back then
or were you merely feeling adventurous

does my id scare you away from me
if so which one - old me / in that moment me / now me

was it as dangerous as we made it out to be
or did we need some animal attraction
to feed the beast

how often do you think of me
and why does it never feel like enough

i have one confession to make...
would you want me as much if you knew

how do i tell them they're wrong
when i'm secretly praying they're right

how did you turn it on so strong
only to turn it off
and leave me with only
a memory of the dripping drop

how can you leave without saying goodbye
when we were still working on the right way
to say hello

why do my thoughts stray over to you
when i have two waiting to be more fully
discovered and uncovered

how long will i want you before
you and i both know i do

can something exist in multiple forms
or do we need to solidfy our options

how many questions will go unanswered
how long will it take before you realize
it's about you

(points to head, points to heart)

you had me one second before hello
and neither one of us knew it
something in your carefree smile
curled up next to me and asked questions
i hadn't even thought to explore

i found your eyes hard to look at
and even harder to look away from
your words worked their way into my brain
and to this day i can repeat scores
of your musical melody

in three seconds you changed my opinion
and in three years you've altered my life
in three more i'm sure your footsteps
will have left a greater imprint
than the souls of your shoes have
ever known

you looked at and past and sometimes
even through me
saw more and less than anyone who knew me
laughed at jokes and words that i spoke
and carry my secrets around in your pocket

afraid i closed one too many doors
and left you staring out the window
travel back in time rewind
or fast forward to something
...something i think we'd like
but lack for now

it's a one way street
with too many dirt paths
no stop signs and lights that blink
yes and no and stop and go
too fast too slow

something so hesitant and shy
felt right and wrong and yet
somehow
so strong
all at the same time

pull up a chair
and sit with me
let me in your head
guide me to your heart

so tired

of the bleeding walls and lies
that bounce up and down
falling thru my time line
and entering spaces
unmarked and concrete
tired
of hearing your voice
in that falsetto that
rings true for some
but no longer me
tired
of being near you only to
feel so far from anything
that i once knew was real
to the touch

so bloody tired
of whispers behind backs that have no front
and ears that pick and choose what to hear
and when and why and how
how do you do it
and convince them you never do
and how do you need something
you work so hard to push away
make me stay
but you can't and i no longer want to
sick of running
too tired to keep going
tired before i even started
mentally erasing you

the note i taped to the door

downstairs to upstairs mentality
quietly sneaking around the backdoor
to find the entrance locked with three bolts
and only one key
come find me
written in a language that resembles
a long lost love at sea
flailing and drowning continuously
help me help you help me help you
can't decide who needs more
of some kind of cure
racing through time
to find the space changed just a little more
leaving you with a numb feeling that came back
and comes back once twice three times or more
fight the temptation to tempt your senses
and tell myself that lust is not the answer
to the riddle left in my cup of tea
that i only drink to drink and drink to see
can't keep you away from me
in memory form
trying to find a space for you
that isn't already filled with warnings and
yield signs - gotta leave those behind
put them to rest and set them down
pass them on to the next girl who walks around
the corner and then around the bend
holding a sign she can't read
but could always comprehend
written for her and only one more
hoping you can take me as i am
and use me for what i'm for
figure it out
slip the key under the door
knock if you don't like surprises
and rush to hush the sound of something
that's made for the weak and quiets the strong

unspoken

remember words barely spoken
and nights spent close and far apart
in years and laugh lines

can't feel your hand but instead
i could feel your heart
pounding in place of my own
and asking for a little more than
he did
what you whispered to me in your mind
and what i felt for you
in the night time
mix together and swim
in glass jars that
we can see but can't quite touch
science experiment that leaves
one confounded and the other
dumbfounded
waiting for the right answers to appear
while we wear keys around our necks
to protect what's near and dear
can't fight the pain
of leaving your memory for another day
stay somewhere beyond my line of vision
so i have to turn my head
and change my course of direction
to follow you
then walk beside you
and one day stand in front of you
with heads slightly bowed
and rings denoting things
that seem so far away right now
to me to you perhaps
and to the us that lives in some
angel's head
who holds on to her past like
i hold on to my own
so at least i have some kind of rock
some semi solid foundation on
which to fall back on
when i finally allow myself to
trust the lean back fall back
motion of my body finally
letting go
and releasing past and previous concerns
that centre around the unspoken

stranger in the day, lover at night

night time surrenders
followed by sun lit consequences
darkness encloses past concerns
and daylight streams softly through souls
no longer recognizable
to tired eyes and hazy brains
drunk on something not quite love
but close depending on the angle
reach to touch something that stirs
in the night
memorized outlines with hand prints
and blue prints and traces of
gentle but needy finger prints
can't connect in the day time
prime time
line of sight time
hands forget how to hold
and the alignment seems unnatural
meet only at certain hours
and make up for lost time
eyes that find each other
in low light
glance away and down
from the other
don't let them discover
what you have and
what you hide

*inspired by the song "stranger in the night"
and by "morn'" by doug*