11:59

and i feel like the rain is backed up in my brain
and the leather strap has been worn down against the skin of my back
and i wish i could fix the bricks that once made up my house, my home
and reclaim the territory that i called my own
i can't tell you where i went
the old me the familiar me the one that stood a chance
i've lost her and lost her along the way
playing old games
nothing feels the same
i'm supposed to be moving forward but i feel like i'm moving back
watching the keys type thmselves
type themselves
lost in thoughts unlike the ones i've had
dreaming dreams i no longer want
and wishing for something i haven't known but think i'd like to call my own
i remember swinging on swings that were strong and sent me up towards the sky and made me feel safe somehow
even though i was so high
and no one was there to catch me
i've been bumped and bruised
cut and bled till almost dry
and i'm still fighting for some form of freedom
and fighting for some life i saw once in a dream
and now strive to achive but don't hold the key and know that i might never
hold that key
or your key
where's your key?
why does life seem harder now than it did before
and why do i feel like my answers are questions in a shabbily built disguise
i want to help you and treat you but the sarcasm drip attached to your arm pushes me away
makes me want to hide out until i've figured you out
and forgotten to double check and cross reference the truth
you hold him like i hold onto the past
with unquenched fingers and love lust eyes that could lie and sometimes do
but no one needs to know
if they've built a house they call it a home
regardless of whether it's just a place to hang their clothes
their outer shells and live like we're all supposed to live
in boxes with no doors
and i thought i escaped but find myself further locked in
and can't seem to break away because there's too much to lose
and i'm not sure i have anything to gain
but another broken heart with shattered stones
and cut up pieces of bones that ache even when it's not cold
and your words hurt me
so i no longer bare my soul

and along the way i lost the one that i loved and who loved
and was capable of love and loving and loving more
and i want her back but i can't convince her to return
so i'll go back to the swing and fall on my own
and never have someone standing there to catch the pieces
catch the pieces