i let you linger
years have passed
but i close my eyes and in those moments
you are slowly leaning in to me
caressing my hand with a whisper of your own
guiding me with eyes
torn between two scenes
i let you linger
linger linger linger
inside of me
i let you linger
and the more i do
the more i need to
but you knew that much
and still do
i let you linger
linger linger linger
inside of me
your gentle words
and soothing voice
your sighs and grown up lullabys
and the way you used to look at me
let me believe
the unbelievable
i let you linger
it's the closest i've come
to holding a piece of you
i let you linger
linger linger linger
inside of me
though you don't warm my bed
ease my heart
or hold up my head
i let you linger
why
i have never known
i let you linger
linger linger linger
inside of me

it's beginning to feel like home




(originally posted on 9/30/07)

rain soaked bones
trickle down unused grey stairs
heaving serial sighs
in burlap bags
while we
the you that was
the i that i am trying to be
stare through the moonlit madness
as we wait for liquid comfort to ease
its way through vessels soaked with skin

they
the group of business suits covering
up play time bodies and childhood ambitions
stare
into the abyss of black turning grey
thoughts melting with freshly brewed coffee
she serves and stirs for the first time again

we
have crossed paths
but never fingers
have stared
but never seen the signs
have moved
but never advanced in space or time or mind
we
are two of too many
and one that stands alone
shouldering the other's thoughts

you
are silenced nightly
and wake up screaming daily
you
are unforgivable in your forgetfulness
careless in your dying wonder
and aged in the sixth sense

i
am reborn in your memories
function fully phonetically speaking
and dream in sighs that span a life time
i
am you in ways you discovered uncovered
and were quick to quiet but have yet to silence
and they
well they still stare




(originally posted on 2/23/07)

island eyes

you were that tiny little sliver of a piece of a whole that i had long been waiting for and you moved through mazes and untied hazy thoughts that circled around my head while i rested in bed faster than those before and with more conviction than those who have come after. it was something. something beautiful and something so fragile i only half breathed when i was around you too afraid that things would slip out from under my feet that seemed to be floating across the sky listening to your silent lullaby while we held two mismatched hands together despite their eyes and their lies and their their words interrupting and undercutting our time and making things fast forward when i was still fiddling with rewinding the times before they tried and later succeeded in burning a hole through a chapter of my heart that has been overlooked by many and only abused by some. you were in that moment for that second what i had long been anticipating and semi waiting for there you laid under the cloak of my hair falling around your face and locking you into my permanent vision of something i've since been missing when i have the time to admit it. you erased fears leaving only a smudge that still resides in my island eyes but for that i can simply forgive you because you were the place that made my heart race and for a second in those moments i can remember you made sense to the part of me that is still completely senseless

your hands
...........were always cold
held under melted ice
...............waiting for my arrival
clean pure whitewashed hands
..................i saw no dirt no stain
she imagined rough hands
.............grabbing groping choking
.....whitewashed dreams
..................i saw no dirt no stain
your hands
......were slow moving second hand tick tocks
rhythmically consuming
.........drum beat street beat our now faded beat
overturned palms
.................peach white skin a glow
sweat met
..........separated
.....................scars uncovered
secret passages explored
.................i saw no dirt no stain
your hands
..........held my breath
your hands
............inside outside collide
................i saw no dirt no stain
felt no pain
.............your hands
eased around
.............long standing insecurities
and touched
............probed
..................opened
gutted
.......the inner heart
your hands
..........made from rich soil
departed
............whitewashed dreams
...............i saw no dirt no stain
your hands
........were always cold
...warm
.......warmed
....warmth
generated
..........baited
the cold hands
...............of my own





(originally posted on 10/17/06)

finger skin

i wanted what they had in the moment when i saw what they had told through his teeth
and the way he spoke i love yous concealed in words about her laughter her eyes his disguise that matched her insides
and i thought i found a sliver of that with you when the skin on your finger touched the small of my back and i felt you through my shirt and layers of life that covered me for so long that at times it feels like i've been hiding
you touched me and in that moment i wanted to consume the feeling and make it so it couldn't and wouldn't stop a never-ending story that would be all my own
and i pictured them and the way they would be and i thought that i found a sliver of that with you and me and your precious finger the skin the touch the stroke
that ignited sparks and sent out signals like smoke from a fire that burns with desires and cradles the lovers in heat
i was so young and naive then and still am now but conceal it with words that i've learned make you seem like you've been schooled with the tools that have been pushed down your brain crammed in your pockets and attached to you like pretty chains
i was an april fool in september and your finger on the small of my back was lovelier than a freshly sharpened pencil bouquet and i told myself a touch like yours would last longer than a single day
i look back and wonder why i made his words my ideal and think the answer is just under my nose in that spot you can't see but feel when you're ready to look inside and confront the lies
i thought i found a sliver of that with you when the skin on your finger touched the small of my back but one day the finger roamed as fingers often like to do
so while your finger unzipped the first few layers of skin i leaned back and thought of them and their love and wondered if they had this moment of unzipping skin
this moment of unzipping tripping skin in slow motion
and i wondered if i really had a sliver of what they had
expressed through words and ballet hands and lips that drip with red hot desire
and i'm not sure i want to know the answer
because i like the thought of having found a sliver of that with you when the skin on your finger touched the small of my back
and eventually led me down a different path





(originally posted on 4/1/06)

you drain me

I’d like to drain my brain
Tilt my head to the side and let it all pour out
The way I used to after a swim
It’s a refreshing thought
The thought of you
Spilling out onto the ground
Like milk from a carton
That I would not cry over

I’d celebrate

Take my brain out
Somewhere nice to eat
Fill it up with something special
Just as soon as I find out
Who or what that is
But I’m not too worried about it
You’d be gone
Lost really

I’d celebrate

Exfoliate you from my skin
Rub you off instead of in
Pale white to pink to red
A killer’s rainbow
Fresh new skin would glow
As I watch you swirl gurgle twirl
Down the drain
Away from me and my
Now empty brain

I’d celebrate

Change the sheets on my bed
Get rid of the pillowcase on which you
Rested your sleepy head
Divorce my well worn comforter
And dismiss the smell of you
That lingers in the air
Like it has the right to
Be there instead of where you are
Where are you?

I...I'd...






(originally posted on 3/18/06)