oh i remember
oh i remember all too well
look away eyes
and heart shaped lies
and all the things promised but never made
broken and laid
to rest
yes i remember those "good old days"
that were filled with the same misery as today
but somehow seem better
given the distance
yes i remember the way you wore your hair
the way you said you didn't care
and the way i knew deep down
that you did
at least for a while
at least for a moment
at least for one imperceptible second of time
that somehow registered in my mind
because of words you spoke
and all that never was

i remember those times
though we slip away
and through each others' fingers
like sleepy sand
gently washing our hands of another layer
of so-called skin

times have changed
but i see you now like i saw you then
close enough to feel you
close enough to linger
close enough to picture us
in a world of my creation
where all the outside factors
don't matter
and at the end of the day
i realize that whether we shared
a moment or a second
or even a single day
you never wanted more from me anyway
it was all just a game
some weird drawn out game
with too many lines
and not enough brain
with so much of my heart
and so little of your pain





oh i remember
oh i remember all too well

old friend
is it the end
though we're not supposed to say
even when we look the other way
has our time passed
has our moment faded
should we go our separate ways
old friend
i don't always recognize myself with you
the way i used to
changes in our lives
our faraway lives
our fairytale disguise
our separate hands
and the space between our hearts
have grown
shifted
moved
and been transferred along the way
old friend
i can't tell which i miss more
the you and i that was
or what i thought we would have been
that seems stolen now
forgotten now
unable and impossible
now
now that we have started this new path
this new stage
old friend
i didn't ask for this
but i have long felt it would be the case
perhaps we have reached our limit
expired our linked brains
and harmonized laughter
moved apart
and built up new walls
old friend
so many things that could be said
perhaps even should be said
spoken and shared with others
unburdened to another
left hanging in the air
haunting the space between us
that even now grows
evolves
shifts and moves
before i can contemplate its shape
old friend
your outline is lost in some other time
and pieces of you
encircle my mind when i grow idle
too tired to shift gears
and think of something or someone else
old friend
the changes have been a part of our world
for longer than i have been allowed to say
changes that defy boundaries
changes that obscure what made us so much of what i loved
changes that poke holes and tiny cracks
in what we once worked so hard to conserve
changes that seem small and still make my heart ache
a piece of clothing i don't recognize
the mention of some unfamiliar person or place
that holds a new fragment of your heart
conversations cut down like old trees
constant flights
when we once seemed so grounded
awkward hellos and so many goodbyes
new pieces of you i barely recognize
two very separate streets
and barely any meet and greet
between our once well known and
synchronized feet
old friend
there is something in me that aches for days on end
something that pushes and pulls you in every direction
something that wants answers
but can't begin to ask the questions
something that longs for more
and grieves for all that never was
and never will be
old friend
i have felt the end