cat and mouse

he liked to go with the flow
and she liked to snap her fingers
to a beat all her own
they met two minutes and 30 seconds
after she claimed to be ready for love
and he embraced a new path while
she filed her nails to a point

he called her sweetie and honey
when her ears were shut and her mind
was relaxed
and she let him make decisions
when the doors were closed and the lock
was too hard to pry open

they needed to need each other
so they could stop looking for
somebody new
and though they had no name for
what they had and who they were
(she called it a thing like love
but he preferred the last word)
they stuck together
and held hands under see through tables
when the mood was right and the moon
cleared the sky for night

your mouth pushed out words that
stated you wouldn't want the same
but your eyes hinted that you
would consider the game
if just for one night

think i need to stop writing about you
in subtle and bold forms
wrapping my pen around thoughts of you
that weave a thread of unconsciously
conscious memories that spill out in black ink
piled high in secret notebooks
stashed away in the folds of my pillow case
that never need to be read again
memorized line by line and even those in between
how many times can i say what i say
without saying what i'd really like to say
if you've figured it all out
what are you waiting for
here's my key
there's the door

the answer is...

sitting here alone
talking to you about one thing
that means another
but we can't name it
or breathe it's existence
too loud
(it might break)
so delicate and fragile
held in hands that tremble

to remain steady
haven't really looked in your eyes
haven't stayed in a moment
long enough to see the subtle changes
haven't stood beside you with the information
i have now
with the knowledge and know-how
with the secret
our secret
passed back and forth
between us two
communicated without words
understood in a language
we all come to know
we've always known

do you remember
long ago
placing your hand on
the small of my back
and feeling me
through a thin cotton shirt
and the flesh of your skin

you took me by surprise
even though you asked first
and moved in later
i felt self-consciously calm
and connected to you
as the heat radiated from
you to me or me to you
somehow meeting in the middle
until i expelled words
that ended the chance encounter

maybe i've muddled the past
to see more now than there once was

can you blame me?

wish i knew how to sew

over thought thoughts that have no end
and beginnings barely visible in my line of vision
carried memories of you with me in pockets
with holes that leaked pieces of you along the way
swore i'd re-trace my steps and find you
put you back together again
in mind and spirit
and body
procrastinated a little
that little bit turned into a lot
and now i'm digging for one small piece of you
to hide away and save for one more day (at least)
have a little problem with letting go
of things and people and places
i haven't yet been told how to forget
rules that once applied no longer hold it all together
got stuck with the wrong glue
and haven't bothered to find another

eve(r)

i think i've got you now
which means i don't know where to turn
best at the chase and weak in the knees
confident until the sun goes down
and reveals hesitant lines around my face

could carry your memory for longer than i can explain
part of some talent i picked up on the school ground
playing with hearts and avoiding the next step

wished for you upon some long since lost star
and wound up settling for faint images
that pass the time
but could never effectively be called mine

want what i've never been told i need
and can't have what i miss already

she created a story that linked me to you
and i went along because i had some free time
and a car that was tired of running on empty

it started out harmless enough -
a hallmark affair complete with cards to
document the passage of time and the trails
of stolen kisses

one lie lead to another
and pretty soon we were making out
when we should have been learning
the classroom's rules

your involvement with another
was a major detail that somehow
she forgot to factor into the story

my love life or lack there of
took centre stage instead -
that is of course until it was replaced by
none other than you

you played the part without learning the lines
and i fell for you a little more
than i originally thought necessary for the role

life began to imitate art
and i refused to yell cut

did you know

you smile and look my way
and i can almost hear your thoughts
spilling out from under the subconscious we hide in
telling me you would have made me smile a little
more than usual if i had just let you try
willing me to find someone else that would
take the time to try and try and try
while i pushed and pulled you close and far away from me
watching the motion like some sort of play that you can't
figure out but it stays with you, that play
leaves an imprint, an impression
and you find yourself trying (desperately) to explain
the words and the pain and the loss as well as the gain
to someone who resembles you on the inside
but is unrecognizable to you on the outside
who can't understand because they have no reason to
but will try anyway no matter what the consequences
to share something you find important
with you