the answer is...

sitting here alone
talking to you about one thing
that means another
but we can't name it
or breathe it's existence
too loud
(it might break)
so delicate and fragile
held in hands that tremble

to remain steady
haven't really looked in your eyes
haven't stayed in a moment
long enough to see the subtle changes
haven't stood beside you with the information
i have now
with the knowledge and know-how
with the secret
our secret
passed back and forth
between us two
communicated without words
understood in a language
we all come to know
we've always known

do you remember
long ago
placing your hand on
the small of my back
and feeling me
through a thin cotton shirt
and the flesh of your skin

you took me by surprise
even though you asked first
and moved in later
i felt self-consciously calm
and connected to you
as the heat radiated from
you to me or me to you
somehow meeting in the middle
until i expelled words
that ended the chance encounter

maybe i've muddled the past
to see more now than there once was

can you blame me?